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20 July 2012 @ 10:45 am
I held on as tightly as you held onto me.  

I had an exceptionally strange dream last night... throughout the entire thing, I switched from being a male to being a hot chick.  It was actually... a little heartbreaking at points.

I love him... and just because we're both male, it shouldn't mean that my love means any less.  I'm waiting outside of his window until it's safe for me to walk home without being caught.  Time is passing slowly and I finally stand up to peer around the house.  My heart skips a beat as I catch sight of my parent's van passing and I flatten myself against the window, terrified.  I can't get caught.  I can't let them take this away from me.  I consider going back inside, just staying with him, but I know the consequences will be terrible if I do that.  His parents... they don't mind us - actually, I think they quite liked me until my parent's made it known how they felt about my relationship with their son.

I swallow hard and build up the courage to finally go home.  My palms are sweaty and every car I pass, I'm waiting for my parent's to make their appearance.  I stop at the end of a sidewalk and look both ways - the right will take me the way I usually go, and the left a side I've never been down before.

I decide to go left - if my parent's are still out and searching for me, they'd never guess to come this way.  As soon as I step into the road, headlights illuminate the path and I feel myself freeze.  "Get in this car now." It's my mom's voice and I start to tremble, scared and pissed all at once.  I turn around to see that they're hanging out of either side of the car, looking angry and dissapointed.

"Fuck you... fuck you!  I'm not coming with you!  You people are... you're sick!  I love him, so fuck you!  I can't do this with you anymore!  I can't do this."


We're at a party - there are people pressing in against us from every possible angle and I'm slightly uncomfortable, but looking up at his smiling face makes it worth it.

We have sex there for the first time... not the most romantic of settings, but it was still perfect.  Afterwards, I watch him weave through the crowd and suddenly, I feel lost.

When I find him again, he's watching some girl's dance on stage and his eyes are glassed over.  "Did you... did you take something?" I ask and he moves his head down to grin at me.  He has lipstick on his mouth.

"Some girl gave me something," he says, shrugging and licking at his painted lips.

I feel like I'm going to throw up.


I'm a pretty girl - it's something I'm extremely aware of.  Wherever I go, eyes follow me; jealousy and lust or a mix of both.  We're at a lake party and I know he's going to be here.

I'll give him a show.

The guy didn't change through the dream - he was always the same.  I don't really remember what he looked like, though.
Current Music: To Build a Home - The Cinematic Orchestra