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19 January 2009 @ 07:13 pm
can't you feel my heart beat fast?  

Dreams about making out with some guy - when I've never even kissed a person & I've never seen him in my life?  Weird.  Nightmare?  No.


In the first dream I with this guy in an alley, right?  It's dark and kind of scary, and so fucking cold.  We're laughing, joking around, and having a generally awesome time.  He's so cute.  Brown hair.  Brown eyes.  Warm.  Cars keep driving by and honking, but we just laugh - and all of the sudden his mouth is on mine, his arms are around me, and my back is against the brick wall.  I remember the way it felt, how goddamn warm he was against my icey skin.  I remember feeling the butterflies explode in my stomach... and then it was over.

How unfortunate.  D:

The next dream involves the same guy - and some girl, who I knew he was in love with.  For some reason we were going to die - we'd been kidnapped, and these people were going to kill us.  I knew how he felt for the girl, and I knew how she felt for him... and it hurt me, a lot.  I didn't care that I was about to die, but I cared very much that he was about to.  We were all saying goodbye to eachother, and he hugged her - he didn't tell her he loved her, but I knew he did.  I fucking knew, and it HURT.  It made me feel so fucking empty and alone.  They said goodbye and he turned to me, wrapped me in his ever-warm arms and pressed his mouth to mine.

The entire time he kissed me, as the butterflies danced around in the emptiness, I cried, because I knew he didn't love me.  No matter how much I loved him, he loved her.

It doesn't really make sense, does it?  He hugged her once, and then held me and kissed me, but in the dream, I knew.

I can still feel the fucking emptiness.
Current Music: Weapon - Matthew Good